farting, fundamental truths, and other reflections about our children.

If you missed my last installment of America’s favorite new blog gimmick, #childhood, click all this blue stuff. 

Here it is, continued:

12. The first time a child experiences pain, it’s literally the worst pain they’ve ever felt. The first time they taste chocolate, it’s the best piece of chocolate they’ve ever tasted. Our exaggerations are a child’s actual experiences.

13. Preschoolers know the basics of tv criticism as soon as they can sit up, watch, and make noise. The entire appeal of television can be measured in these three exclamations: “Wow!,” “Haha!,” and “Uh oh!”

14. The way you feel about going to a foreign county is the way preschoolers feel when you go to the house of someone new.

15. Grandma’s house is a country of weird customs, where the citizens observe strange laws (“Never shower during a lightning storm!“)

16. Plus, the food smells funny.

17. We should therefore never question a child’s healthy fear of their grandparents. We would feel the same in Kyrgyzstan.

18. If a tree fell in the woods, and no child was there to ask you a million questions about it, did it make a sound?

19. The answer is that it did not make a sound. Your kid’s questions drown out all other sound.

20. There are no universal truths except what an infant understand directly out-of-the-womb. Everything else has a bit of the culture-of-today in it. From this it follows that the two most fundamental human truths are that farting is funny and that food is wonderful.

 

 

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